Filling my Cup to Overflow for You : Re-centering in Sensual Self-Care

It’s my pleasure to finally reconnect with you all. I’m grateful you are still here, and to have witnessed growth on this platform in the past two months. Some of you may have noticed my inactivity on Haus of Isis ever since my last BodyLove Werq-Shoppe on February 13.

I’d like to open up about my experience and share my deeper reasons for stepping back, as well as the ways in which I’ve been nurturing myself and my greater intentions for this platform during my period of silence.

After I completed my series of 6 successful BodyLove Werq-Shoppes, I was overwhelmed with joy and relief. I began my sensual dance teaching journey—and the subsequent launch of Haus of Isis—during what I had come to discover as a very challenging and stressful transition in my life. Thus, I had to make the decision to prioritize the work involved with hosting these Workshops, and figure out how to balance my classes along with other urgent life matters…and, of course, self-care.

It wasn’t easy, and there were many times that I just didn’t feel like doing this work. But I persisted… and I’m very grateful that I did, because so much bounty came out of my effort. In retrospect, I can see that I took advantage of a once in a lifetime opportunity. There wouldn’t have been another solid chance for me to teach in-person Workshops in Berlin this year, both with this ongoing global health crisis, and my future plans to return to the U.S. indefinitely.

I did the right thing.

But there were many times throughout that period of my creating, teaching and platforming my Workshops—that I felt this looming sense of disconnection from the content that I was teaching.

Yes, of course…I had practiced the techniques and principles I was teaching, and I believed in all that I shared. I loved and was deeply honored to guide and share space with the beautiful souls I had attracted into my classroom and platform.

However, I also yearned very deeply—to connect with myself. With my own body. To re-create and advance within my own personal Sensuality, Wellness, and Self-Care practices.

The amount of energy I was pouring into serve others, I yearned to give back to myself. At times, I even felt resentful that I was giving away so much, and merely caring for myself at a maintenance level—whereas, in that particular time of my life, I truly desired to delve deeper into myself and commit to serving no one but myself.

At the time, I was also processing heartbreak from a recently-ended romantic relationship whereby I felt like I gave more than I received. My partner just was not able to meet me—emotionally, sexually, spiritually. I felt depleted—especially in the sexual realm, and I deeply desired to ravish and love on myself to reaffirm my worth.

I wanted to get back into my breathwork, yoni eggs, working with herbs and crystals, journaling, creating and growing in my practices. The lesson plans that I created every day for others—I wanted to create and implement for myself in both my Pole Dance training, and Wellness practices. I was very clear on my vision of the lifestyle I wanted. But during this time, I had so much thrown at me—that I didn’t have the psychic energy to focus on my Wellness at the high level I desired.

I firmly believe in teaching from a full cup—sharing from the heart of a deep personal practice. The building blocks of Haus of Isis are derived from my authentic lifestyle, practices, and the fruits of my own personal transformation. It’s fueled by my self-care. Thus, I am taking some time away from this work to regenerate the energy I will inevitably pour back into my community with an open heart, and with greater integrity.

At the time when I was teaching and active with Haus of Isis, I knew that I would only have peace of mind if I gave my best. So I accepted and embraced my circumstance, and pressed on, giving my 100% into my Workshops, and doing my very best to care for myself through the process– knowing that I will eventually have the time and space to rest and regroup.

When I left Berlin to visit family in Nigeria, my body took an initial two weeks to adjust and recover from mental and physical stress. So, I spent my first few days nestled up in my bedroom, journaling.

I asked myself questions about what I truly wanted out of Haus of Isis. Can I balance the work involved with growing Haus of Isis along with my work as a Pole Dancer and Multi-disciplinary Artist via N3VLYNNN? What is my intention with this platform, and where do I see it taking me in one year? What about 5 or 10 years? How can I make this work sustainable and fruitful and aligned with all that I do, dream, and desire in the various stages of my journey?

Finally, I allowed those questions and answers to rest, knowing well that it will take time and experience for me to figure it all out…and I settled into life.

Being in Nigeria during this health pandemic has been good for me. Having extended family around helps a lot in terms of providing a restful atmosphere. I receive help with everyday things which usually require an incredible amount of energy, such as cooking and cleaning and buying necessities. I can enjoy social time with my siblings and cats, which has also been restful from the lonely bouts of isolation I often experienced in Berlin. And otherwise, I have plenty of space and time to myself. Despite some other intense challenges I’ve recently experienced, which I will eventually write about on N3VLYNNN, I am deeply grateful to be here.

After several weeks, I’ve been able to create space and find my way back to me. I’ve re-embarked on my Orgasmic and Sensual Breath-work practices, began writing in my sexuality journal, and was blessed with an abundance of online classes from my favorite studio, Fit and Bendy, which has inspired me to keep my body moving and re-ignited my passion and motivation to continue working towards my Pole Dance and Flexibility goals.

I am grateful for those dance and fitness professionals like FaB who are moving forward during these times to provide high-quality virtual Movement classes at an affordable price. This is not a sponsored ad, by the way—I’ve just been a total fangirl of her programs for years, and it has deeply influenced the way I train and teach. I can’t help it!

It will take time for me to begin teaching Workshops again, and I may be slow to regain activity in this area of Haus of Isis. I’m very clear that I want to fill up my own cup first. In the meantime, I’ve decided to keep Haus of Isis available as a space where I share openly, my own healing process—as an open forum for others to see their own reflection, ask questions, and feel inspired towards their own journey of self-reclamation.

As for my contribution, I did take the time to film two sensual movement video tutorials during my 6-week stay in the beautiful apartment where I lived in Berlin. Along with this blog, I commit to editing and uploading those videos to the Haus of Isis Instagram within the next few weeks.

I would also like to film another video or tutorial while I am in Nigeria, but I’m not sure what yet. If you have any ideas for what you’d like to learn or hear me speak about, please drop me a line. I’d absolutely love to hear your thoughts!

Thank you for taking the time to read and reflect with me. I appreciate your presence and look forward to reconnecting soon.

Paz.

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