Self-Worth as Currency : How I Manifested Abundance by Pouring into Myself.

Isn’t this space so cute and beautiful? I get to stay here for 6 weeks, all expenses paid. This place didn’t just fall into my lap. I had to stand up and declare what I deserved in the face of opposition and prejudice, and make myself seen to people who were not seeing me.

I’m very clear that I manifested this space through self-love. From my deep commitment to honoring and strengthening my self-worth.

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The Story

This year, the company which manages my Flat made the grave mistake of neglecting to provide me with official notice that their balcony re-constructions required them to rip out the wood-rotten floor in my bedroom and replace it with a new one.

This would require me to move out for 3 months.

When I approached the company about it after blessedly hearing the news from a trusted neighbor just two weeks prior to construction, they were incredibly rude and hostile, trying blame my lack of knowledge on me, saying that I didn’t attend the last monthly meeting where I could have “asked all the questions I need”.

The representative of that company then tried to demand that I leave, and usher me out with sub-standard living conditions. Amongst the paltry options they offered included: Vacant spaces their company managed which did not include any kitchen or furniture, a tiny and cheap Airbnb room in a Flat that I’d have to share with an elderly German woman, and a request that I bunk with my housemate, whose room was not affected by construction. This was even after I generously offered to stay with family for 1 out of 3 months, to save them money on my accommodations.

Although our interactions were hurtful and frustrating, I could sense the fear underneath their voices. They were desperately trying to cover their legal mishaps. But deep down, their argument held no water, and they still needed me out of there. Their sole defense was to try to bully me and break me down, in the hopes that I would accept whatever degraded place they had created for me in their narrow minds.

After trying to work with them and feeling cast aside, I sought legal advice from the Berlin Mieterverein (tenant’s union). I wrote the housing company a letter that same night stating that I had seen a lawyer, and that given their failure to provide proper notice, I am not legally obligated to move. I also shared that I’m well-aware that even if they did provide me with notice, they must provide me with furnished accommodations that are equal in value to my current living arrangements.

On that note, I also shared that I genuinely consider their construction project to be worthy, and I do not wish to delay it further. Thus, I am willing to move Iff they accommodate me in the fashion I choose.

I picked out the furnished apartment I fell in love with, and requested that they accommodate me as I wish, and also write the contract in accordance with my wishes. Else, they risk cancelling their construction project, which would be an inconvenience not only to themselves, but to other landlords in the building whose Flats are affected by this project…and a loss of the thousands of Euro they’ve already invested in construction.

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The entire agreement was written in German. My reading level of German is extremely basic at the moment, so I used Google Translator. I would bold-print and italicize the clauses I wanted revised, and beneath, I would write 2-3 paragraphs in English about how precisely they need to re-word it, and why.

Four contract revisions, many phone calls and emails later—my Flat was booked.

When I visited the office to sign the contract, I met with the woman I had been speaking to over the phone for the past two weeks. The same woman who had tirelessly grappled and groveled with me for two weeks, was now smiling and shaking my hand, offering me a seat to sign the freshly printed Agreement for which she had made final revisions that very morning.

Upon leaving, I gifted her with a small bag of delicious, artisanal handmade biscuits from a local café, delicately tied with a beautiful red ribbon. I had bought them just for her. She hesitated for a moment, and then graciously accepted before we parted ways.

I wasn’t mad at her. Whatever ugliness she had experienced in her life that led her to view and treat me the way she did—was obviously hurting her more than it did me.

Everybody needs a little sweetness in their life.

I got mine.

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As I sit in this beautiful Flat all to myself, one might ask why I chose to write this piece on Haus of Isis, a platform that is dedicated to Wellness and Empowerment. From the outside looking in, it may appear that I got what I was due because of my intellect or astuteness, or maybe just an inbred confidence. All of those things are true. I certainly am a smart cookie.  

But the real reason why I am where I am today—the fuel behind all of this—is Self-Worth.

My morning rituals of waking up, meditating, and drinking lemon water. Gazing at myself in the mirror, telling myself how beautiful and powerful I am, and how much I love myself. Meaning every word. Touching, loving and listening to my body. Patiently working through difficult emotions and experiences. Speaking, writing, and dreaming all of my heart’s desires every single day so that they grow embedded into my cells and my being.

That is why I have this apartment.

It took a quiet inner-strength, and the ability to see myself clearly—in order for me to boldly stand in front of people who had treated me like I was worthless, look them in the eye, and tell them exactly who I am and what I deserve.

It took little ol’ me being willing to take up enough space to have the audacity to pose a threat to an entire construction project, simply because I was not being regarded or treated the way that I knew I deserved.

It took a steady practice of investing in myself with all the particulars of my needs–to decide that my quality of life was worth giving my valuable time and energy to protect and maintain.

I could have shrunken back into my place, stayed small, and accepted whatever they gave me, so as not to be a nuisance or an inconvenience.

I could have looked at this apartment and decided that what I wanted was too beautiful and too expensive. I could have mentally and emotionally given up on the idea that this housing company would ever pay for it before even trying—purely off the notion that they don’t think I’m worthy, so why should I?

But that just wasn’t in the blood coursing through my veins. There was so much more at stake than what was in front of me.

On a spiritual level, I knew that whatever I made of this situation, how I handled it, would mold and shape the person I was becoming. It was a building block to lay the foundation for how I stood inside myself within personal and professional relationships. For every aspect of my life.

So I chose to be accountable to the woman I was stepping into. I had to be responsible for my commitment to honoring who I was and standing in my power. For affirming my worth, dreaming big, and speaking up for my desires—even if they may be judged as “too much” or outlandish.

I was afraid at first, but I chose my path. I took one step at a time. And those steps led me to a stronger, more confident, more powerful version of myself that I am ever so grateful to have witnessed once again.

The victory is so sweet. But…it’s not defined through the space I’ve been given. This space is just an external manifestation of the abundance that I’ve cultivated within. And that’s what I will bring with me when I leave.

I’ve had many signs within the past year that it’s my time to move.

Every relationship that’s involved with my present living situation, from the housing company, to co-tenants, to sub-leasers—is showing me that I’m spiritually phasing out of this space, that it’s no longer healthy for me to stay there. That it’s time for me to prepare to uproot myself and create space for my higher path. Into the space I truly deserve.

It’s been very important for me to have my own living space, to cultivate my energy within a sacred place that I can call home. A place that is for me. That feels like me. That is good for me. That can hold space for who I’m becoming.

My soul has been yearning for this.

For the first time in my life, I’m living all by myself. When I first arrived here, it felt so divine. So right. I know that I’m meant to use this space as a sacred portal to rest, rejuvenate spiritually, and reflect on what and who it is that I’m stepping into—without the distraction and interruption of a misaligned environment.

This space is an inspiration for what I can have—of what is coming to me.

So, I soak it all in. I enjoy it. I am affirmed on my path. I love who I am and who I am becoming.

❤